R-Tistic
L.A. needs me!
*WARNING - This is a joke...not to be taken serious at all. I created this and posted it on the Serato site a few days back*
So, you call yourself a DJ, but you went out and purchased Serato, right? Well, regardless if you're a 35 year vet who's been spinnin vinyl since 8-tracks were hot, or if you're a newbie who has no clue of what slipmats are....there are certain rules you must follow when using this program we call Serato. In order to keep it real and be considered a REAL DJ, you MUST follow these rules...otherwise, you are a fake, and need to leave this to professionals.
Here's how you KEEP IT REAL when using Serato....
-Do NOT look at the waves on the screen...do it by ear ONLY!!! If you can't mix without looking at the waves, then you are NOT a real DJ!!
-Do NOT look at the BPMs. If you overview the files, act as if the BPM is not correct. Otherwise, you are a fake!!
-Do NOT use relative mode...Absolute is for ABSOLUTELY true DJ's...Relative is for those who can't relate to being real. And internal mode....don't even get me started!! Do NOT use loops, cue points, or anything else that allows you to cheat!
-Do NOT use crates....the ONLY crates that are legit are the ones that you carry that have real vinyls, and not Serato vinyls in it. Setting up crates, playlists, or anything else is NOT real DJing....and the same goes for the search function!
-Do NOT use CDJs, because they have lead to the death of vinyl every since they came out! They were made for wannabees who were smart enough to make money off all the rest of you wannabees.
-Regardless of if you use MP3s, you HAVE TO to go the nearest vinyl store and buy at least five vinyls a week, including one rare one that you can't find anywhere else! Otherwise, you won't know the struggle that DJ's had back in the day!!
-Do NOT download or play ANY free music, unless a company or the artist themselves give it to you! If you download ANYTHING from a P2P network, or get someone to e-mail you a song you don't have, you are a fake, and you support illegal music!
-Make sure you use ALL .wav formatted songs! This will force you to have the heaviest hard drive possible, and this is the closest you'll get to having to lug thousands of crates around like the REAL DJs used to do!!!
-Do NOT play any pre-made blends or remixes, unless you bought them on vinyl!! If you aren't fast enough to throw T-Pain on top of that new Coldplay song live, leave it to the real DJ's! If you do a live blend, make sure you don't look at the BPM or graphs...otherwise, you are NOT keeping it real!
-Do NOT edit any songs on your computer, whether it's to eliminate the cursing, to add DJ intros, or to make it louder.
-Do NOT adjust the volume on each track through Serato, and don't look at the graph to see how loud it is! If you don't adjust the volume from the mixer, then you are a FAKE!
-Do NOT show up to a gig with just a laptop, thinking it's cool. If you know they have a TTM-57 there, it doesn't matter...what are you gonna do if it fails, or when your hard drive crashes? PLEASE don't say you're gonna use your backup iPod or Internal mode...therefore, make sure to bring at least 8 crates of vinyls to EVERY event you do!
-Do NOT show up to an event with your custom colored vinyls, labels, and Serato box, thinking it makes you look cool, because REAL DJs are about SUBSTANCE, not flash and glamour!
-Do NOT download any music during a live set...back in the days, you couldn't run to the store during a set, so respect your history and deal with the fact that you don't have everything on your 5 TB hard drive even though you sat at work downloading music all day!
If you follow these rules, then you may receive e-props along with other forms of respect from the REAL DJs around the world.
Respect,
DJ Reel2Real
So, you call yourself a DJ, but you went out and purchased Serato, right? Well, regardless if you're a 35 year vet who's been spinnin vinyl since 8-tracks were hot, or if you're a newbie who has no clue of what slipmats are....there are certain rules you must follow when using this program we call Serato. In order to keep it real and be considered a REAL DJ, you MUST follow these rules...otherwise, you are a fake, and need to leave this to professionals.
Here's how you KEEP IT REAL when using Serato....
-Do NOT look at the waves on the screen...do it by ear ONLY!!! If you can't mix without looking at the waves, then you are NOT a real DJ!!
-Do NOT look at the BPMs. If you overview the files, act as if the BPM is not correct. Otherwise, you are a fake!!
-Do NOT use relative mode...Absolute is for ABSOLUTELY true DJ's...Relative is for those who can't relate to being real. And internal mode....don't even get me started!! Do NOT use loops, cue points, or anything else that allows you to cheat!
-Do NOT use crates....the ONLY crates that are legit are the ones that you carry that have real vinyls, and not Serato vinyls in it. Setting up crates, playlists, or anything else is NOT real DJing....and the same goes for the search function!
-Do NOT use CDJs, because they have lead to the death of vinyl every since they came out! They were made for wannabees who were smart enough to make money off all the rest of you wannabees.
-Regardless of if you use MP3s, you HAVE TO to go the nearest vinyl store and buy at least five vinyls a week, including one rare one that you can't find anywhere else! Otherwise, you won't know the struggle that DJ's had back in the day!!
-Do NOT download or play ANY free music, unless a company or the artist themselves give it to you! If you download ANYTHING from a P2P network, or get someone to e-mail you a song you don't have, you are a fake, and you support illegal music!
-Make sure you use ALL .wav formatted songs! This will force you to have the heaviest hard drive possible, and this is the closest you'll get to having to lug thousands of crates around like the REAL DJs used to do!!!
-Do NOT play any pre-made blends or remixes, unless you bought them on vinyl!! If you aren't fast enough to throw T-Pain on top of that new Coldplay song live, leave it to the real DJ's! If you do a live blend, make sure you don't look at the BPM or graphs...otherwise, you are NOT keeping it real!
-Do NOT edit any songs on your computer, whether it's to eliminate the cursing, to add DJ intros, or to make it louder.
-Do NOT adjust the volume on each track through Serato, and don't look at the graph to see how loud it is! If you don't adjust the volume from the mixer, then you are a FAKE!
-Do NOT show up to a gig with just a laptop, thinking it's cool. If you know they have a TTM-57 there, it doesn't matter...what are you gonna do if it fails, or when your hard drive crashes? PLEASE don't say you're gonna use your backup iPod or Internal mode...therefore, make sure to bring at least 8 crates of vinyls to EVERY event you do!
-Do NOT show up to an event with your custom colored vinyls, labels, and Serato box, thinking it makes you look cool, because REAL DJs are about SUBSTANCE, not flash and glamour!
-Do NOT download any music during a live set...back in the days, you couldn't run to the store during a set, so respect your history and deal with the fact that you don't have everything on your 5 TB hard drive even though you sat at work downloading music all day!
If you follow these rules, then you may receive e-props along with other forms of respect from the REAL DJs around the world.
Respect,
DJ Reel2Real
